2011- A Reflection

There's only one day left of the year 2011.

How fast can time fly? I think it rides a space shuttle these days. I can't believe that we're entering yet another year. It feels almost (the cliched) yesterday that it was still January, and I was keen and raring to go. My facebook status entry on the 31st December 2010 read "With two hours to go, I look back and reflect on a great year. 2010 had been the year of achievements and building new beginnings. Hopefully 2011 will bring more wisdom and joy. Bring it on" , reflecting my optimism that this year would be a good year, in every aspect.

Studying these words one year later, I cannot help but think of what I had hoped for myself this year. Have I really been wiser this year? Am I happier? I said that 2010 has been the year of achievements. What have 2011 been to me?

In some ways, 2011 has been a good year for me. I was blessed to have the opportunity to have not one, but two trips overseas. Whatever anyone says, those trips have been the highlight of my year. It gave me a chance to rediscover myself, to remind me of who I am and what I am supposed to do with my life.  I cherish the feeling of wonder inside me when I saw the Stonehenge for the first time, or when I took my first steps up the Great Wall of China, or when I saw Mona Lisa smiling at me, her almost slanting eyes inviting me to share her story. I love the curiosity of learning the story of one castle and then another in Wales, or imagining the grandeur that accompanied the Emperor in the Forbidden City of China. They leave me wanting more and more. This country, as much as I love it, is far too small for me. There are greater things out there, things for me to see and learn and experience. I know now that I wish to incorporate travelling and writing more into my life.

But of course, life is never as such. With good things comes the bad, and I've had my share of conflict this year. The biggest, I think, occurred during the months of May to July. I will not go into details here. But those who knew, would know what I'm talking about. I made that choice based on so many factors. In the end, I did not regret my decision to leave that establishment. No matter how I look back and tried to see it from a different angle, it was a good thing to do, and I moved on.

In many ways life in 2011 has taught me many things. It taught me the value of focus and what price must be paid if I let emotions cloud my judgement. I am not a child who can get away with tantrums, nor am I the daughter of some rich person to throw my life away so simply. I am a young woman, with so many things ahead of me, and it is important for me to know exactly what I want and do my best to achieve it. If there is one regret I have this year, it is losing my focus and forgetting what my goals are. To fall in the sideways is unacceptable in this world, whatever one chooses to do with his or her life.

With all those in mind, I suppose that in some ways I have been wiser. I know the rights and wrongs of the things that I did. I will not be so proud as to say there is nothing in this year that I would not change. Yes, there are things I would have done differently, had I know it would turn out the way it did. But by having these regrets, we learn to live and we learn to survive. Experience has always been the best teacher of all. And as for happiness, yes I am happier now. This year has washed away a bitter feeling I've had in me since I was 18, and made me believe that love is a pain you can readily embrace, if you approach it with care. More importantly, one can also let go with peace in her mind. I can look at him and smile at the thought of those happy memories we shared, instead of be reminded of all the horrors as I had once upon a time, in a distant past.

So perhaps I should rephrase those words I wrote in that facebook status: 2010 had been the year for change. 2011 is the year of discovery.

My main resolution for 2012 is to pursue what I love, and to be more patient and consistent in the journey. Whatever is my calling in life, I cannot achieve them overnight. Rome was not built in a day. There is much I need to do, and I vow to accomplish them all.

Goodbye 2011. It's been a blast. Thank you for the memories.
Hello 2012. Let's get started.